I gave my heart to a cam-girl,
She danced in and out of my dreams.
She wasted my time, while
I played with myself.
She was behind me,
Everytime she moved,
But the chemicals between us created
Sparks in my mirror image, as I
Turned caffeine into keystrokes.
The first night she didn’t appear online for a shift I nearly lost it altogether in a frenzy of cravings. The world started to shrink rapidly and I had to hide in my wooden wardrobe until morning. When I saw her again, she just smiled mischievously and made puppy-dog eyes at me, saying only that she was busy all night with a ‘client’ (“Just business baby!” she said she said). Must have been dinner with drinks I imagined the platonic scene. It took me a good six months to figure her for a sex worker…after all, why would such an amazingly beautiful women need to sell her body to get by? Surely there were other, less demeaning ways to get by…I put it down to regular sex kicks and a possible adrenaline addiction.
One night she took her clothes off for me,
In a private room,
While I fiendishly pumped my cock,
Some ten thousand kilometres away.
I didn’t tell her when I came…I didn’t want her to stop…
I knew that she loved me,
Even though she refused to say so…
I didn’t need her to.
I could do that for her…
She had my heart, she had me by the balls…
But I have her image,
And with this
She stepped into my visions,
She fell into my dreams.
Now my cam-girl no longer sits legs spread in her office at home;
Baring her hot flesh by the side of the sex industry superhighway.
But I don’t mind. She already belongs to me afterall…
Always brand-new / second-hand…
Ready for disassembling and reconstruction.
Now she’s here by my side,
Under my bed,
Writhing impaled,
Every night she tells me
That she loves me…
Even when the blindfold is on,
She moves around me like smoke.
For my eyes only and know one else can see…
AA 2666
